It’s been 7 months…and so far nothing. 😦 It’s a bit discouraging, well very discouraging at times but I’ve gotta trust that God’s timing is perfect and He will provide when He wants. I’m a little jealous of my sister-in-law because not only did she and my brother get married two months before I did and didn’t even have an engagement etc. but they had a baby when they were originally planning on waiting for 5 years or something like that. I just…I don’t know. I’m not sure exactly what I’m jealous of either. Why I am. I don’t really want to be. I’m going down to visit next week and I don’t want to have hard feelings or a bad attitude like last time. It’s just going to make me want a baby for my own even more. I can’t tell anyone about it except J and maybe M and I don’t want to really. I can’t tell my mom that we are wanting a baby or any of our family. I don’t want it to be like his cousins where the entire family knows what’s going on and talks to you about it and asks. Awkward and weird! At times I don’t even feel like I’d be a good mom or if I’m even ready. I feel ready and I want to be pregnant but sometimes I just feel “eh”. I’ve been really tired the past few days, I’ve gone to bed early–like actually turned the lights off and laid down to sleep–and woke up not really refreshed or energized. I don’t feel like I fully sleep.
Trying to find a house isn’t helping either. Most have been awful and all but I think one have been either minor or major fixer uppers! I hope we find one soon! I pray we get one by the end of the summer as well as get pregnant. I don’t want to wait a year! I feel so…down and I shouldn’t be! I have a great life, great husband and family and an amazing All-Powerful God! What’s wrong with me?
My “lady time” is expected this weekend and if it doesn’t come then that’s not exactly a definite sign that I’m pregnant, judging by the last few months I could just have a long cycle now (stupid birth control!). I haven’t taken an early test this month because I don’t want to. I want to wait until I’m late and it’s more of a possibility that it’ll be positive!
I’m excited that they’re coming tomorrow but today I’m just not feeling happy. We had a great night last night at the movies and stuff but that was last night. What happened in between then and now? Perhaps it’s just my “time of the month”. I get moody like once a month but I think that’s normally after my period not before. UGH! I’m still kinda tired but I know I don’t need to sleep. I need to work and get as much money as I can…I only work an hour and a half a day most days! I want to tan too…it’s sunny but I need to work before he gets home to pick me up for our chiropractor appointment and going to look at more houses.
I guess I should go work now…bye.